This Lap is all Wrong

How am I supposed to spread out comfortably on this lap when the torso attached to this lap is scrunched over that wierd glowing thing all the time? And why are those fingers that are supposed to be petting me petting that clicky thing all the time? Fine, I will just find the piece of furniture with the largest pile of stuff on it and I will writhe on it until most of the lumpy things fall off, but first ;lfdjklmxkjof ctrl alt del ctrl alt